The Differences that make all the Difference

Back in 2021, I reached a state of total burnout. I had been running on practically empty for some time. Suddenly, the body chemicals that for so long had kept me functioning through a constant state of ‘fight or flight’ had all but deserted me. My mind and my body were vigorously protesting. The trauma that I had been experiencing in my personal life had crescendoed. No more! I was numb. I had reached a ‘frozen’ state. For anyone who has been there, this is a state which is unignorable.

Yet in a sense, my healing journey had started a few weeks earlier when I had finally been able to talk to those closest to me about my reality. Until then, my way of dealing with the bad stuff taking place elsewhere in my life had been to overwork. This unhealthy and unsustainable way of living had led to what would have once been termed a ‘breakdown’ – and, wow, I really needed some roadside recovery!

To reach such a nadir is deeply unpleasant. For around three months, I was zombified. Fortunately, I have a small yet fantastic support network that helped me through the darkest of times. In the end, however, it was down to one person to make the necessary changes that needed to be made. Me. As humans, nurturing our mental wellbeing is critical to feeling alive, for experiencing enjoyment, for living with vitality. To feel wholly alive, I took on board what the therapist, Alex Howard, says: “For our body to heal, it has to be in a healing state”. To do this, I had to begin to reconfigure my life and take steps to living more fully.

These are the differences that made the difference for me:

• I started reconnecting and communicating with the people who really knew me, cared about me and loved me. Connection matters.

• I used the Livi app to seek rapid help from a GP. Accepting anti-depressants was always going to be a short-term option for me. I knew that while on medication, I needed to start doing ‘the work’. I took sertraline for about eight months.

• I invested in myself. I paid for counselling sessions because I needed immediate intervention so I could clarify for myself what I needed to do to get better and feel better. I had 12 sessions and the process was incredibly helpful.

• I resigned from my job as the CEO of a homeless charity. My workplace and especially my Chair were amazingly supportive. It was not the way I wanted to leave, after 18 years working for a cause that I was passionate about. Over time, however, I was able to relinquish feelings of guilt of “letting the side down”. I came to realise that my work had become my identity and this had not been healthy for me. I also took comfort that if I had stayed, the charity would have suffered. The state I was in, I may even have ended up getting fired if I had stayed!

• I started going for walks nearly every day. I stopped to really notice in micro-detail what was around me. This daily ‘dose of nature’ worked for me. Somehow, it put things into perspective. I have since walked the South Downs Way and the Hadrian’s Wall Path (two weeks prior to the iconic sycamore tree being unfathomably felled). Walking invigorates me.

• I started paying attention to improving my sleep. I had neglected the importance of quality sleep and it was time to re-claim this aspect of my life.

• I started listening to self-help podcasts. I wanted to practice self-compassion and learn from people who already knew the importance of this.

• I started listening to Classic FM – previously, not my genre choice yet for some reason, the only genre that my muddled mind could absorb at this time. Before, I had been an avid listener of daily news and politics. No more. I could not withstand the negativity of news for about twelve months.

• I started reading. Voraciously. Once I could concentrate on the written word, I knew I was emerging from my zombie state. It was a massive breakthrough. Reading books remains an integral part of my daily routine. It started with the modern classic, Charlie Mackesy’s The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse – I am indebted to this book.

• I joined an online book club. I feel enriched being able to converse with others this way.

• I enrolled and completed a life coaching diploma course with Animas Centre of Coaching. Initially an investment simply for my own self-healing journey, I quickly realised that I wanted to utilise life coaching skills within any new vocation that I started thereafter.

• I began working again after taking a 14-month break. I also turned down work. When an offer is not aligned to my beliefs, values or sense of self, I know how to say “no”.

• I joined an online group for men that celebrated positive masculinity. This stemmed from an emerging interest in male psychology. I value the recognised work being done to improve the mental wellbeing of boys and men and which therefore contributes to making the world a better place.

• I became a trustee of a charity. This is my way of contributing to my local community. I believe fervently in the role that the voluntary sector plays in society. It is also helpful for my own continuous personal development.

• I am a beneficiary of the movement Action for Happiness whose ethos I identify with. I am an advocate of mindfulness.

What I have shared here – very much an overview - are the things I needed to explore and the actions I needed to take to help myself and which I appreciate is a very personal and individual thing. What we need to do for ourselves is very much dependent on the specific circumstances that we find ourselves in. For me, I needed to acknowledge my ‘there and then’ so that I could start living in a ‘here and now’ which now serves me. The differences I have put in place are the ones that have made all the difference so that I can be in tune with my ‘healthy psyche’. It requires daily diligence.

What differences in your life do you need to make now that can make all the difference to you?

What small step can you take today that will be the first positive difference towards living more fully?

Intentions + Actions = Miracles

For a coaching conversation on making differences that make all the difference, you can contact me via https://www.matthattoncoaching.com